family, parenting

Mom’s Gone Crazy

Feeling Crazy? Apologizing to the kids, my husband, and making plans to take back control of our household and be a better parent.

Being A Parent Is Crazy

Things have been rough lately. So rough, that it has me feeling like I am crazy. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. It’s even more difficult when you are a parent with a chronic illness. Throw in being part of a blended family and things are probably a little more crazy than your typical family.

I have wanted to be a mother for longer than I can remember at this point. This was after spending several years insistent that I was never going to have children of my own. While married to my ex-husband, I spent the time during his first deployment devouring all the parenting books that aligned with the type of parent I wanted to be. While I was a step-parent at that time as well, our relationship didn’t last long enough for me to really parent much. Now, I have been involved with my current husband for almost 10 years and we have known each other since second grade. So that is a long time!

The Kids

I have been part of NotSoLittleDude’s life since he was about 20 months old. It’s been hard. We are pretty similar personality wise and knock heads often. It’s sorta mellowing out a bit now that he is older. I have a feeling things are going to get really interesting here soon with the teenage years. Oh the joys of hormones to look forward to.

Which brings us to our Wildchild. The child that pushes buttons I didn’t even know I had. The crazy ball of energy that leaves all of us wondering where he gets it from. The one that has me constantly questioning whether or not I am cut out for parenthood. Honestly, it’s probably why we haven’t actively pursued having another child despite desperately wanting more. We just have no energy at the end of the day.

Long Days

Our days are long and full of yelling. Something I never wanted to do as a parent. I grew up in a household full of yelling and I wanted to be different. *side note, my family reads this blog and I hope they don’t hate me for saying that* It makes me feel like a complete ass to be this stressed out by parenting mostly one child. Like, how much do I suck as a Mom?

I was getting up earlier than him, just so I could have a moment to myself in the mornings. It was basically 30 minutes to an hour to drink my coffee and prepare for battle basically. Then, he started waking up when I got up. Now I have kind of given up on that. We also co-sleep most of the night still and I have decided that sleep is more important at this moment.

If you’ve read any of our other blog posts, you know that we homeschool. However, that barely takes up 30 minutes most days. We spend all of our time with each other. Wildchild is also in this phase lately where he refuses to do anything alone. That is a lot of him constantly being on me basically.

Some Ideas To Help

I think a large part of our issues stem from way too much technology use everyday. Parents and children alike. I am more guilty of this than Aaron, even if he insists it’s *only* me. I do a lot of work from my phone and with this blog. One thing I am going to work harder on is trying to get up before the Wildchild again. That way I can get some work done before he wakes up and I can spend more of the day focused on him.

Winter has been a pain for us this year and snowmageddon really messed things up further. We have spent way too much time inside. More than we usually do here in Washington. To say that we have a bit of cabin fever is probably an understatement.

The weather has been getting nicer recently and we have been spending a little bit more time outside, which has helped. It’s just really frustrating when it’s nice out, but we are having a windstorm. Our area seems to be prone to these weird days of just continuous wind gusts and it’s not terribly safe for us to be out there. We will work on getting outside more though.

Let’s Get Out

Another thing that I think will help is getting out of the house more. However, this will require me to start driving again and that absolutely terrifies me. It’s been about 4 years since I last drove and even when I drove regularly, I hated being on the freeway. We live off of a very busy main highway that is accident prone. Driving Wildchild around terrifies me as well, because he is not known for being quite and has unbuckled himself more than once. Just, ugh.

We also need to find ourselves some community. Which is super tough with a Mom who suffers from social anxiety. Not to mention, a lot of our views are not even remotely mainstream. It’s not exactly a recipe for lots of friends.

I will also be pulling out all my parenting resources again and starting over. We could all use a refresher at times and I think it will be super helpful to review.

The Tough Part

A good parent moment.
Wildchild giving me a kiss after a workout

The tough part is going to be apologizing to the kids. To tell them that I haven’t been the best Mom I can be lately. Telling them how sorry I am for all the yelling lately and explain to them that I am going to need their forgiveness while I work on being a better Mom.

They need to hear from me that I am going to stumble back into old patterns, because it’s easy. They also need the reassurance that I am working on making things better, because I don’t like how they have been going. I want them to have the best life possible and it turns out, that I need to work on myself more for that to happen.

Books For Parents

One of my favorite books:
This one had some parts we vehemently disagree with, but has some good pointers: Great Read:

I wish I had more profound plans to turn our household around, but I am starting small and hoping for the best. The kids are happy, healthy and loved. It’s me that is having the issue. I am hopeful that we can get things back on track. I can start to feel a little less crazy and more like the parent I know I am capable of.

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